Small Humans

Let me preface this by saying, I love family time. It's one of my favorite things to do. Get together, catch up, eat some food, relax, sometimes nap. You know the drill. However, anyone that knows me, also knows that I'm not real fond of other people's kids. I say this like I have kids of my own. I do not. Nor will I ever. Just not my thing. 

I'm really not good with them... like... at all. I don't know how to act around them, or talk to them, or touch them, or communicate in general with them. So my typical response when we're at a family gathering, and the family members with anywhere from 1-4 kids under the age of 10 come prancing in, you can assume my reaction is similar to this:

Now, I don't want to speak ill of people that have kids. If you want kids, more power to ya! Go for it! If that's your thing, then do the damn thang people! It's just not my thing. As I said before, it never will be. So my first beef I have, and I'll only touch on it briefly, is when people try to force having kids on me. Examples:

"Oh you say you don't want kids now, but you'll want them eventually"  Um. No. Never. I'm almost 30. Leave me alone.

"But what if it's in God's plan?"  Then I assume I wouldn't have the feeling of such strong hatred towards "small humans", and I'd have more of a feeling to want to pop them out of my vagina (I've actually said that one to someone before...)

"Don't you worry about being alone when you're old? With no kids, there will be no one to take care of you!"  Nope, easy answer, and two parts to it actually.
   1) I'll be married to someone who also doesn't want kids, we'll age gracefully and be able to care for each other and then die together like a Nicolas Sparks book.
   2) I'm sure we'll have neighbor kids that will love our lifestyle so much that, when they meet us, they'll want nothing better to do than care for us in our old age.
   3) If all else fails, Lifealert.

Those are just a few examples. I could go on with things people say to me about it. But I'd rather not, and I said I'd only touch on that subject briefly, so QUIT FORCING KIDS ON PEOPLE, PEOPLE! Kthanks.

Moving on then. The other thing that particularly grinds-my-gears if you will, is when people show up to family gatherings or group events (think friend BBQ), and bring their kids (which is absolutely fine, if you plan to parent them while you're there too). I absolutely cannot stand when they lose all inhibitions to "parent" once they've arrived. We are not here as free childcare, for you to relax and pawn them off on your friends to show them affection. We are also there to have a good time and relax, not to babysit your kids.

Here's an example, in case that's hard to follow. When someone's child is, say, bugging them while they are trying to talk to another adult, and the parent responds with something along the lines of "Why don't you go ask Casey to play hide-and-seek with you?" [insert annoyed blinking eyes here] My reaction, pretty much every time, will be to pawn that child off on someone else... like so:

This also goes for scolding or helping a hurt child. If your child is hitting someone else's child... I'm going to stand by and watch (unless it's something really bad... obviously...). If your child gets hurt doing something they weren't supposed to be doing in the first place [see: lose all inhibitions to "parent"], and are just sitting on the ground crying for pretty much no reason, I will also just stand by and watch. Those things are not my issue. If I wanted them to be, I'd have small humans of my own.

I don't know why I have no "mothering gene" in my body. Maybe because I was an only child? Maybe because I was an only child that grew up in many more adult situations than most kids do? Maybe because I was raised fantastically and was never allowed to act out in public? Maybe because I was taught appropriate manners... Whatever the reason, I'm glad. I wouldn't want it any other way!

I leave in 2 weeks for a vacation in Jamaica with my fiance, and we don't have to hire a sitter or but family to watch our kids... and I'm OK with that. 

But kudos to those of you willing to keep the human race going strong! I solute you! 

"Share The Road"!! Pfffft.

This past weekend I was able to be part of a RAGBRAI team for 2 days. And by saying I was a part of the team, I mean I rode along while my boyfriend drove a large van with 8 cyclists and their bikes to the first town of the ride... We then drank adult beverages and relaxed until they were to leave for the next town (via their bicycles) the following morning. Needless to say, I have some complaints. 

I should start by saying that I've only been on a bicycle about 5 times in the last 10 years, and every time goes something like this:

However, I do have eyeballs, and a brain that comprehends words, so I am fully aware of hardcore cyclists DEMANDS to be treated as any other vehicle on the road. "SHARE THE ROAD" is the most common sign I see. Not to mention the infamous Raygun shirt, plainly stating "Please don't run over me" in reversed text. (I don't quite get that one... part of me hopes to someday...)

Is it the people demanding the road be shared with cyclists that annoy me? Absolutely not. It's the people demanding this, and then blatantly ignoring basic traffic laws, that annoy me, and quite frankly really chap my ass.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, chances are you've got an arrogant cyclist's body stuck to the underside of your car that you likely hit without knowing it when they ran a stop sign or red light. (Go check quick... their family may still be searching for them.) They are literally everywhere not yielding/stopping/signaling/any of the 'ings.

On the streets of the hosting towns for RAGBRAI this year, they were everywhere. Which is to be expected. However, they could care less about anyone in a larger, more powerful, automobile. They would cruise down the left side of the road, and stare at you as if you were driving the weinermobile! They would come-in-hot to a stop sign and only stop once they saw the anger filled glare you cast upon them while waiting to see if they WOULD stop! It was a cluster-fuck to say the least. 

Would I like to partake in this 40+ year tradition of biking across my beautiful state of Iowa? Absolutely. However, I'm a bit worried at how many people I'd want to murder along way. The trend I did finally notice is that the more rude and arrogant riders were typically over the age of 45-50 years old (looking). One man, probably around 60 or so, complained at a [volunteer] concession stand about a 50 cent banana before speeding off on his $2,000+ road bike. I mean really? C'mon.

I'm not here to lecture. I'm just here to bitch about things. So I'll leave it at that. 

Definition of Angry

I Googled "Angry" and this is what The Google gave me:

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an·gry

adjective

adjective: angry; comparative adjective: angrier; superlative adjective: angriest

1. having a strong feeling of or showing annoyance, displeasure, or hostility; full of anger.

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I would have to say, one of my most common "feelings" is anger. Be it towards other humans, the weather, my ovaries, or carbs, anger pushes it's way into my brain multiple times a day. As far as the above description goes, "feeling annoyance" is probably the best description for my anger. It is pretty typical that my first initial reaction to many things is annoyance. There's an age-old saying that if you need help expressing your feelings, you should write them down. I suppose you could say that is what I'm doing here, with this blog, out in the open for all to see. 

Why am I so angry? I have no idea. I chalk it up to "it's the way I must be wired".

Can I control it? Yes, but I don't like to.

I am also going to use cheesy, situation-appropriate gifs, because gifs are fun and make me smile. Most of them will be from silly sitcoms I enjoy.