Small Humans

Let me preface this by saying, I love family time. It's one of my favorite things to do. Get together, catch up, eat some food, relax, sometimes nap. You know the drill. However, anyone that knows me, also knows that I'm not real fond of other people's kids. I say this like I have kids of my own. I do not. Nor will I ever. Just not my thing. 

I'm really not good with them... like... at all. I don't know how to act around them, or talk to them, or touch them, or communicate in general with them. So my typical response when we're at a family gathering, and the family members with anywhere from 1-4 kids under the age of 10 come prancing in, you can assume my reaction is similar to this:

Now, I don't want to speak ill of people that have kids. If you want kids, more power to ya! Go for it! If that's your thing, then do the damn thang people! It's just not my thing. As I said before, it never will be. So my first beef I have, and I'll only touch on it briefly, is when people try to force having kids on me. Examples:

"Oh you say you don't want kids now, but you'll want them eventually"  Um. No. Never. I'm almost 30. Leave me alone.

"But what if it's in God's plan?"  Then I assume I wouldn't have the feeling of such strong hatred towards "small humans", and I'd have more of a feeling to want to pop them out of my vagina (I've actually said that one to someone before...)

"Don't you worry about being alone when you're old? With no kids, there will be no one to take care of you!"  Nope, easy answer, and two parts to it actually.
   1) I'll be married to someone who also doesn't want kids, we'll age gracefully and be able to care for each other and then die together like a Nicolas Sparks book.
   2) I'm sure we'll have neighbor kids that will love our lifestyle so much that, when they meet us, they'll want nothing better to do than care for us in our old age.
   3) If all else fails, Lifealert.

Those are just a few examples. I could go on with things people say to me about it. But I'd rather not, and I said I'd only touch on that subject briefly, so QUIT FORCING KIDS ON PEOPLE, PEOPLE! Kthanks.

Moving on then. The other thing that particularly grinds-my-gears if you will, is when people show up to family gatherings or group events (think friend BBQ), and bring their kids (which is absolutely fine, if you plan to parent them while you're there too). I absolutely cannot stand when they lose all inhibitions to "parent" once they've arrived. We are not here as free childcare, for you to relax and pawn them off on your friends to show them affection. We are also there to have a good time and relax, not to babysit your kids.

Here's an example, in case that's hard to follow. When someone's child is, say, bugging them while they are trying to talk to another adult, and the parent responds with something along the lines of "Why don't you go ask Casey to play hide-and-seek with you?" [insert annoyed blinking eyes here] My reaction, pretty much every time, will be to pawn that child off on someone else... like so:

This also goes for scolding or helping a hurt child. If your child is hitting someone else's child... I'm going to stand by and watch (unless it's something really bad... obviously...). If your child gets hurt doing something they weren't supposed to be doing in the first place [see: lose all inhibitions to "parent"], and are just sitting on the ground crying for pretty much no reason, I will also just stand by and watch. Those things are not my issue. If I wanted them to be, I'd have small humans of my own.

I don't know why I have no "mothering gene" in my body. Maybe because I was an only child? Maybe because I was an only child that grew up in many more adult situations than most kids do? Maybe because I was raised fantastically and was never allowed to act out in public? Maybe because I was taught appropriate manners... Whatever the reason, I'm glad. I wouldn't want it any other way!

I leave in 2 weeks for a vacation in Jamaica with my fiance, and we don't have to hire a sitter or but family to watch our kids... and I'm OK with that. 

But kudos to those of you willing to keep the human race going strong! I solute you!